The book “Emotional Intelligence is Talking” talks about how talking is not just a “feeling” but also a “skill”! Just as there is a recipe for cooking, there is also a recipe for speaking. The right words can change a person’s fate. People who can talk are more desirable than those who can’t talk. The following combined with the book to teach you 7 tips to speak:The first trick is called the freedom of choice, make a choice rather than being ordered.The second trick is called the good, pick the words that others want to hear.

The third trick is to warn people of their evils, telling them the disadvantages of doing so.

The fourth move is called the desire to be recognized, taking advantage of the fact that people want to be recognized.

The fifth move is called “you can’t do it”, a “only you” to meet other people’s sense of superiority and special feeling.

The sixth move is called teamwork, using the word “together” to create a sense of partnership.

The seventh trick is called thank you, the request followed by “thank you”, so that people can not refuse.

Here we use specific examples to teach you how to use the 7 strokes of speaking skills, to become a will speak, popular people.

The first move: the freedom of choice.

Many families of older men and women do not do housework, right, how to talk to get them to move?

Let’s do a multiple-choice test:

You want your husband to dry the laundry, the following two expressions, which do you think is easier to get him to move?

A. “Go and dry the clothes”

B. “Dry the clothes or mop the floor, which do you choose?”

The phrase “go hang the laundry out to dry” is a command, not a request, which gives a strong sense of oppression, and makes people feel uncomfortable just listening to it, let alone doing it. The first thing you need to do is to hang out the laundry and mop the floor, which one do you choose? , note that this is a choice, not a command. When we are asked this question, we instinctively think about making a choice, rather than just refusing, unless we are really too busy.

So this question, we choose B this expression, not so strong sense of pressure, give people the feeling of independent choice, so it is easier to get cooperation. Behind this actually reflects a very important thing, that is, human nature – people prefer to make choices, rather than being ordered.

Not only do husbands not like to be ordered, but actually children do too.

Many parents ask their children to do their homework by saying “go and do your homework”, but the children continue to watch TV as if they didn’t hear it. Why? Because the phrase “go write your homework” is a command in itself, the same reason as asking your husband to do the housework. Even if he finally does it, he is still reluctant.

So how can I express it to get the child’s cooperation more easily? It’s simple: “give choices” instead of “give orders”.

You can say, “Do you want to do your homework now or in five minutes?” This may seem like a choice, but there is still only one option for your child – turn off the TV and do your homework – but it will be easier for your child to accept than if you just order him to do it. There is another advantage to letting your child make choices from an early age – it is to develop the ability to make choices.

Learning to use this skill and making small changes in the way we speak can make a huge difference.

First, by giving your child choices, your child will be more willing to cooperate.

For example, if your child doesn’t want to wear shoes, and you run after her and shout, “Put on your shoes, the ground is cold,” but she doesn’t listen, when you give her a choice and ask her, “Which pair do you want to wear, the blue shoes or the red shoes?” Most children can quickly make a choice.

The same goes for clothes. Instead of saying “wear a shirt,” ask “which do you want to wear, the striped shirt or the shirt with the deer on it?” Let the child choose for himself, and when he chooses, he will feel that it is his own business, and not so resistant to wear clothes.

Second, give your husband a choice, he will also be more willing to act.

For example, for Valentine’s Day, others have gifts, and your husband indifferent, you do not directly say “send me a red packet”, you can say “husband, Valentine’s Day I have prepared a small gift for you, you? Are you going to send me flowers or a red packet?” You have said so, your husband still have the courage to refuse?

There are two people who run a breakfast store, guests ordered buns and doughnuts, they both want to incidentally promote their tea eggs, they both used to give guests the choice to do this little trick to improve sales.

The first breakfast store owner said “want a tea egg”, while the second breakfast store owner said “you want a tea egg or two tea eggs”, you guess which sold more? The latter one, right?

That’s right. Although both shopkeepers gave a choice, but the first shopkeeper’s options include an option of “no tea eggs”, while the second shopkeeper gave the options are their own expectations, no matter which one the buyer chose, he can sell tea eggs. So, the options need to be set to ensure that the two options, no matter which one is chosen, can achieve the purpose we want.

People prefer to make choices rather than be ordered, this is the common nature of people. This is also the fundamental reason why the technique of “freedom of choice” can work.

The second technique: pitching to the right person

The “good”, that is, to cater to the psychology of others, say what others want to hear.

Let’s go to the store to buy clothes, a seller said “Sorry, there is only one jacket left”, how do you feel when you hear it? Do you think, “This jacket is left over, right?” “Many people must have tried it on.

Would it sound better if you use the following expression: “This jacket is selling very fast, it sold out in less than two days after it hit the shelves, this is the last one”?

The second statement, “This jacket is selling very fast, it sold out in less than two days on the shelf,” shows that the clothes are very popular, catering to the psychology of buyers who want to buy popular styles. Add a sentence “this is the last one”, may say is the truth, but at this time to say out and give people do not buy again on the sense of urgency, so it will make people want to buy the impulse. People in business must learn this trick, research what others want, in order to do “the right thing!

The third little trick: to warn the evil

We have all seen “Do not touch”, “Do not trample the grass” such warning signs, it is not at all effective to write this. Because sometimes the more people are ordered, the more they want to resist. Just like some children, the more you tell him not to run around, he will run.

How to solve it?

I once saw a roadside warning sign hanging on a tree, which reads “sprayed with pesticides, do not touch”. The pedestrians who passed by, once they saw this phrase went around, and pulled their children away from the tree, the effect was immediate.

The principle behind this is actually the author’s “warning of its evil”, telling the other party: do not do this because it has such a bad effect.

The fourth tip: the desire to be recognized

When crossing the road, a mother desperately shouted, “It’s dangerous here, hold my hand”, but it was useless, the little boy hid far away, because he wanted to prove that he was an adult, no longer a child, he could cross the road by himself. Then the mother had an idea and changed her story, she said “I’m scared alone, can you take my hand and cross the road together?” The little boy happily took his mother’s hand.

The mother later said this is to take full advantage of the little boy’s desire to be recognized, the child wants to be treated as an adult, then meet him, you to hold my hand across the road, rather than I hold you, a change in thinking, the effect is immediate.

The fifth little trick: you must not

For example, neighbors are very good at pruning potted plants, and can always trim out a very beautiful shape. If we want to ask our neighbor to help us trim our own potted plants, what should we say? If you say, “Help me trim the plant,” they may think, “I’m busy, why should I help you trim it? But if you use the technique of “you must”, we can say “your trimmed potted plant is really beautiful, our family also wants to fix this shape, only you can help us realize this wish, can you find time to help me trim it?” This word, the other party is usually very difficult to refuse, because there is a word called “only you can”, meaning that you can not, this word fully meet the person’s sense of superiority and special, in short, is to make the person listening to feel very cool.

This method in the end there is no say so amazing, we try in the neighborhood between friends will know.

The sixth little trick: teaming up

This method is super simple, to put it bluntly, is to add the word “together” when speaking.

What effect can it have? Let’s feel the following two sentences:

The first sentence “you also go shopping”

The second sentence “Let’s go shopping together.”

Which one sounds more comfortable? The second sentence, right? Why is that? It’s because it’s a human instinct to do things with others. Use this instinct well, even if there are some troublesome requests, others are willing to accept.

For example, if the phrase “Come clean with us” sounds like a lot of trouble, but if you replace it with “Let’s clean together”, people will not only feel less trouble, but sometimes they may even feel a little happy.

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)